...and into the new year!

So, it's long overdue for a blog post, but unfortunately I ended the last year cramming experiments into every last minute, and began the new year with a visit from le chien noir (correct French? Probably not…). It's something that comes and sits on me from time to time, regardless of my state of mind, and I generally have to sit it out with a duvet, some boxsets and some creative kit. Anything stress-inducing (i.e. everything important) has to go on a list. During my new year's spell I finished mending my cardigan (new elbow patches and sleeves that are now the correct length), polished my DM's, made lots of different breads and several kinds of kimchi.

When I'm low I don't sleep very well, and can often find myself awake, my mind STILL racing at 3 am. In the past I beat myself up about being defective (I still feel that way sometimes when I'm low), but in recent years I've realised that these are undoubtedly my most creative times. The ideas for projects I come up with are incredible, the sorts of things that I never come up with normally, and I'm beginning to get the hang of capturing them so I can actually act on them when I'm 'up' again.

The really horrid thing is that I still don't feel very comfortable saying this. Depression is such a taboo! People assume THINGS. It's only recently I'm beginning to feel comfortable saying 'I have depression', as I feel I can 'fight my corner'. Yeah, I have low spots when I stay in my cave, but they're my most creative times, and when I'm up up I will get a week's work done in a day. The rest of the time I'm normal. So what?

A lot of people are fairly incredulous when I say I have depression as I'm normally so happy – but that's clinical depression for you. Stephen Fry only does QI when he's 'up', ditto any number of celebrities - just look at this list of famous names with major depressive disorders. The link between creativity and depressive disorders is HUGE.

SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, EH?!

On with the new year!

Bee x